How Not to Get from Pai to Bangkok

This story is really for me and my possible grand children to look back on when I am 70 and want a laugh. That’s really what this blog is for. Although I have shared a load of articles and written ‘how to’ stuff to try and get some traffic to feed my social media ego. I should probably stop doing that. Anyway. Here’s one for me

Lesson #1. If you have done something stupid like booked a bus at 8am from Pai to Chang Mai, don’t go out the night before and get more wrecked that you have been on the trip.

It was the last night in Pai and we planned to go to the shroom bar we had finally found and have a nice relaxing night. Now one of our group had tried shrooms twice before on the trip, and they had had no effect. So she was really eager for it to work this time, understandably. And as fate would have it, the stars aligned and she was sick that day, and arrived at the bar with a completely empty stomach.

We got a round in, and sure as anything, 20 minutes later we were all very happy. We all knew they had worked for her when she suddenly perked up and exclaimed ‘the music is soooo perfect, I can feel it in my soul’. At that point I knew we were going to have a good night. It was an amazing night but occasionally my logical brain would take over and ask ‘hey, is this a good idea when you have to get up at 6am tomorrow, moped your many heavy bags to the bus station, take your mopeds back to the hire place and generally do normal stuff that requires a brain.

So anyway one shake turned in to three and by 3:00am maybe, we decided it best to head home.


Lesson #2. If you have to get a bus at 8am the next day, don’t stay at your friends hostel which is 20 minutes walk from yours, because all your stuff is at your hostel and you are an idiot.

So the second bad idea we had was to go back to our friends hostel to hang with them, when we had a hostel which was closer, had our own bed in our own room, it was clean, had lights, plug sockets, concrete floor, and contained all our stuff. So instead we went to Pai Circus hostel, which at the time was a mud bath (due to persistent rain), and hung there for a bit. I think it was about 4:30am when we decided it best to head to bed. Holly fixed the cut on her toe one last time, we said goodbye to the lads and tried to sleep in Toms bed (a different Tom). After about ten minutes I realised that our flight from Chang Mai to Bangkok wasn’t till the following morning, so if we were to cancel our day in Chang Mai and re-book the bus we could have a lie in, and it wouldn’t affect any of the onward travel. I relayed this plan to a half asleep Holly and without much thought she agreed. We couldn’t do it any other way. First bus missed, but probably for the best.

Now Holly has experience sleeping with loud noises and fell asleep relatively easily. I didn’t. At EXACTLY the time we decided to sleep, the BASTARD ROOSTERS started crowing, along with a plethora other animals. The monkeys were horrible and I was told one of the noises was a gecko. Oh how interesting. So at about 6 I decided to walk back to our hostel and get a few hours in a nice clean bed. On my way out I saw a cockerel mincing across the lawn shouting about the sunrise. I have never wanted to pull an animals head off before..

I got back to my hostel (quiet beautiful clean hostel) and fell asleep immediately. I had my iPod in with the alarm set for 11am so I had time to pack our bags and get out before the midday kick out. Unfortunately you need the headphones in to hear the alarm so inevitably I didn’t hear it as I rolled around and the headphones fell out. Luckily at 11:30 a lovely Thai woman smashed on the door and screamed ‘HEYYYYY, YOU CHECK OUT OR YOU STAY’. so I woke up and packed mine (and Hollys) bags and put the stuff in the hostel reception.

So we lost £3 on the bus we missed but that was worth it. We re-booked the bus and arrived in Chang Mai at about 7pm. First leg DONE.

Lesson #3. If you have to get up at 5am the next day for a flight, don’t go out the night before and get really really drunk.

So we arrived in Chang Mai and went out. Met some friends of Holly’s, she went back with them and I minced around the bars dancing at people and drinking. I found some people I knew but the music in the bar next door was good so I wondered off and didn’t see them again. At about 11pm I started to get bored to decided to head back to the hostel. Holly had given me the key and said she would be back later. On the way from the hostel we walked down two roads, and it took 10 minutes. My journey home took 2 hours. The first attempt led me to some random roads. Luckily I managed to find my way back to the party area by following the music, and decided to try again. It didn’t work and I headed back to the party area, got some food and tried again. This happened a few times and for two hours I was wondering round this place, with no idea where I was going. I didn’t know what the hostel was called or where it was. I was basically fucked.

Anyway after 2 hours I caught a glimpse of a hostel which looked a bit like ours. They had kindly TURNED OFF ALL THE LIGHTS AND PULLED A SHUTTER IN FRONT OF THE DOORS!! So it didn’t even look like a hostel any more! I wish I knew the name so I could share my hate with everyone. Anyway I stumbled to the room, set my iPod alarm and rolled around till the headphones came out. Next thing I know, the door flies open and Holly bowls in with a huge grin on her face saying ‘we need to leave!! its 5:30!!). Now the plan was to get up at 5am, leave at 5:30, arrive at the airport at 5:50 for a 6:50 flight.

So we got up, grabbed all our stuff and were downstairs by 5:40. Not bad considering. This whole hour still amazes me. We got outside the hostel to get a taxi to the airport. The roads were DESERTED. But then a lone tuk tuk drives past and thank god it stops. I feel we were really lucky in this respect and we got to the airport by about 6, and paid barely anything for the ride. So we were both really drunk and I tried to have a drinking competition with the airport staff as they made me down the bottle of water I had just bought. The people behind thought it was funny so for me that’s always a good indicator that I’m not acting too much of a twat. So we got on the plane to Bangkok. I slept the whole way.

Lesson 4. Get yourself an awesome Canadian with a phone and data and get a win on the taxi driver.

This is a whole new story. Basically we nearly got conned by a taxi driver. He took us to the police station and we won. So that was a positive to the journey

That’s about it I think. It was a funny long journey, and could have been really stressful at times but Holly and I never resorted to killing each other so I feel we’re gonna travel more in future.

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