It is the morning after my third session. This week I had one on Wednesday and last nights was a Friday. I had fully recovered from the last one and had time to take in all the things i had learned. It was not much to recover from though really, it was all just very positive and benefical. I was just a bit tired but I made it school on time and despite a slight lack of concentration everything has been normal.
Anyway last nights session was a ´concentration´ session. We arrived and everyone had already started. It was a large open covered space at the top of a hill, surrounded by trees, with the alter in the middle and everyone sitting facing in. The lights were switched off and only blue lights lit the area. It was silent apart from the heavy rain which continued all night. We went to get our first tea and sat down on seperate sides of the space (men and women sit seperately at these Santo Daime sessions).
As I sat there waiting for the effects, I knew that whatever was about to happen, it was going to be beautiful, with the stillness of the people, the blue lights, rain on the roof and forest surroundings. I was wrong. For the first half at least.
During this session, I was shown hell. It was strange because I wasn´t transported to some firey inferno, but instead the hell was the room that I was in. It was dark and the mood was sombre. When they occasionally said prayers, everyones voices were dull and dark, as people stumbled past to get to their seats or the toilets, they walked liek they were zombies, and everyone else there was dead. All the noises I heard were negative, people being sick, people moaning in pain. It was all pretty dark. I closed my eyes to try and go to another place but I couldn´t leave. I knew it would end at some point so I wasn´t scared, but it wasn´t pleasureable. I also remember thinking that when they gave me more tea I would take it as I wanted to understand this hell more.
After closing my eyes it got worse. But I remember at one point I saw my family, and they were standing at a house with a light shining on them. I remember this being my saviour, I could go to them and I felt fine, I left hell for a bit. But I didn´t go to them. I chose to go back and explore hell a bit more, as I may never get the opportunity to do it again
So it was pretty horrible, but I remember thinking that the last session was so positive, and I believed everything was perfect. So maybe this session was showing me that the world isn´t perfect and that I need to be wary of sitting in a little fluffy bubble, saying everything is perfect, because its not, and there is a lot of problems in the world which people need help with. Although I need to be wary not to try and fix all the little niggly problems in my life, there is a shit world that does have big problems that I can help with.
About half way through the session they switched on the lights and everyone got up. I thought they were all leaving. It was a really wierd way to end the session. Lights on, everyone out please, c ya next time.
It turned out they were just leaving the concentration bit which was lucky, as I was ready to leave hell by that point. From that point on it was songs and prayers. The music was good but not as good as the last sessions. Everything got pretty funny from here on in. I spent the rest of the session having stupid revelations and making myself laugh, thinking about Angelica and how much she made me laugh on new years and how quick she is. Whenever we caught eachothers eye across the room we burst out laughing like we were at school…
One of my incredible revelations was related to taxis. I was trying to figure out whether a taxi would take us home as I didnt want to walk, bus. walk in the pouring rain. I was convinced they wouldnt take us so far (the journey was about 20 minutes). I was convinced that it was way too far and it would be unreasonable to ask them to drive all that way. Then I realised…hold on, taxis are great because they take you to a place where you´re not, at that moment. Yes. They would take us home. Phew. I decided to file that one away and move on to the next ground breaker.
For a while I felt like I was made out of wood, genuinely I felt like my limbs were all wood. But then I decided to prove it to myself that I wasn´t, so I wiggled my hips a little bit and did a subtle dance, and then smirked to myself, proving myself wrong – I´m not made of wood, so there.
So loads of funny stuff happened and I had to stop myself laughing at multiple points during the session. When I met Angelica outside afterwards she gave me her realisation: the guy who invented umbrellas is a LEGEND. I mean. You can stand outside in the rain under the umbrella….but the water doesn´t touch you.
We started the long walk down down the hill and Angelica recounted her trip from the start, which was hilarious from the start. It was another good session and once again completely different from the previous. I am a bit more nervous about the next one as this was the first time I had a bad trip, but it was all controllable and I believe beneficial so…on to the next one.